A letter that I never sent...

I’m writing all that but the truth is I haven’t decided yet whether send it or not. This bunch of words is just thoughts, feelings and sure a lot of emotions which are hard to share and it’s pretty much mine!

I can easily say the reason I’ve been connected on you for such a long time. The day we met for the first time I had a lot of fun; you were great and very successful corrupting me. The way you carried on the whole situation plus all the challenge it represents to me, of course I ended up in love.

Well.. It happened awhile ago, I don’t see many reasons to mention all that again. The fact is since that day until now I couldn’t spend a day without thinking of you. I must admit that I tried to take you out of my mind many times… but one of the most difficult things I`ve learned in my life is to take out of the mind what is in the heart.

For this long time you are in an untouchable place inside of me, so deep that I can’t access and remove, even if I wanted. In this point I kind of lost control, for the first time I cannot dominate it… and maybe this is what I like the most, an unknown situation that I have to go through.. your world is so mysterious to me. I never know what to do, to think, where to go, what to say… it’s all new and very very hard!

I’ve been learning a lot with this, waiting for a phone call, an email.. any sign that would say you are thinking of me somehow. But the phone never rang and you never came! I keep asking myself why?? And I don’t want to hear the answer I have ‘he doesn’t like you.. you must give up’. It’s tough to accept but should be the truth!

Its sounds insane to me, I barely know you… it feels there is a fight between my mind and heart. Every time I try an action to talk to you my mind keeps saying that I should not do it, but at that time my heart yells louder and I can’t avoid – if you are reading this letter, that was my tireless heart in one more tentative to accomplish something that I don’t know what it is… I can’t explain.

Finally, I’m telling you all this because I believe you must know how special you can be in someone’s life and when you fall in love again, please go for it – that’s the beauty of life, learn about yourself through another… we can do much when we are together. I tattooed in my mind how would be a relationship with you… but there is a world of differences between us and let it go seems to be the safest place for both of us. It’s sad and it is my conflict.. my mind wants that, but my heart wants to take care of you, share the moments, smiles, tears and everything, keep trying to be with you… and well, you already told me that I don’t have place in your life, so I should follow my mind.

Anyway, I never expected anything… always enjoyed every moment as if it was the last… maybe that was my biggest mistake, my heart was always tight and scared of not been with you again. But mistakes are part of our nature.. and I’m sure you have made yours.

I would like to thank you to opened my heart and helped me to see the opposite side of been in love, how I make a man feels. Definitely it was very important for a 30 years old ‘little crazy’ woman. I’m changing the scenery of my life and probably in this new version you will be an especial friend, and I’ll hope to see you so many times more, here or anywhere.

All that I’m saying here, since the beginning until the very end of it, is all good, really good. Keep showing your true essence, because that was what I saw in you.

I know it looks foolish and you might be asking yourself “what the hell”… you are probably right, it’s all about me, my feelings and somehow I put you on this, and as I’ll be gone in a couple of weeks I needed to let you know that. Sorry if it looks silly or a waste of time, I just like to express my feelings...

I started this letter a few weeks ago and never finished.